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Don’t (tele)phone

This post is a thoughtful warning to those interacting with young adult children or grandchildren.

The word “telephone” is no longer in use. If you didn’t know that, you—like me—may become an object of derision. It seems “phone” is still acceptable, though more as a noun than a verb. To add the now-defunct first syllable, and to simultaneously imply verbal communication, is to label yourself ancient. Which I am, but to be the brunt of raucous millennial humour around the family Christmas tree…well, it hurts.

All I said was, “If you want to see the girl, why don’t you just telephone her?” 

Roars of laughter erupted at once, interrupted by breathless repetition of the offending word. 

“Telephone? TELephone? Where does that word even come from?”

When the laughter ended, the serious work of education began. “OK, boomer, let me explain.

First, it’s a phone. Drop the tele part.

Second, it’s simply not done. With or without the prefix. You don’t phone objects of possible romantic interest. You text them, very briefly at first. If you receive a friendly response, you send a longer text. If, after several such interactions, it looks promising, you meet somewhere. Only then, if all goes well, might you “phone”. Speaking into a communications device is obviously a more intimate interaction than it was when TELEphones had “receivers” and were attached to walls.

“But,” I protested, “Nuance? What about nuance?”

That, it seems is what emoticons are for. 

Of course. What was I thinking? 😁 Er, no 🙄 Well, actually, maybe🙁.

I am not a total dinosaur. Of course I text. Quite a lot, actually, though I’ve never mastered the two-thumb thing, and so I’m still more comfortable with a keyboard or—I confess—a telephone.

And it wasn’t all bad back in the day, when you could always find your phone, when you could tell the difference between a ringing telephone and a terrible rendition of Beethoven’s Fifth, when no one even imagined seeing you, and when, miraculously, voice quality was consistent and no one wandered “out of service” in the middle of a conversation.

I am so last-century. 😀

Happy New Year—new decade—everyone!

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2 Comments

  1. Peter Peter

    Dear so-last-century, I’m with you, it’s humiliating to be over thirty.
    Did they explain their “OK Boomer” put-down to you? If you already knew it, you may not be entirely washed up.

  2. colleen cote colleen cote

    That’s great
    I am with you in being so last century. Feliz año nuevo.

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